beautiful in the eyes of the maker

2006-06-11T19:14:00.000+08:00

God is always and will forever be that amazing and never-ending faithful God....
Oh how i long to be more like Him each day when i am surrounded by worldiness. I love it how i see God through the the so many little things each day at the hospital. I love wing wing, the cutest Down's baby.. who cries when it's painful, who claps when he's happy.. he's in his own little world of joy and of simple emotions. He longs for love. I can imagine God just loving him to bits, and even if he' 'unwanted', he does have the most loving dad in the entire universe.

Exam this thurs is really gonna be a work of God. i cannot believe that i am in the place that i am now... understanding chinese medical terms... this was so unimaginable this time last year, when i dreaded the idea of counselling and doing everything in chinese. how how i need God's hand to be with me! these few weeks have been so so tiring but finding strength and joy in the Lord has given everything i need to sustain and find victory.

2 weeks later

2005-06-04T00:04:00.000+08:00

It's already two weeks?!

Time flies as the cliche goes. Two weeks ago I had my last exam. Now, after my amazingly crazy trip to Bali, days of relaxation, spending time with daryl, birthday, PASSING EXAMS by the grace of God (thus being in fourth year med *gasp*) and prepping for my month long trip to singapore internship... phew...... here i am.. exhausted a bit from all the stuff that has been happening, but praising God all the way for his BLESSINGS. i am so blessed. I AM. Praise God.

I never knew that a person could be so blessed by God. Sometimes, I have trouble accepting blessings. I feel like i dont deserve it, just as how i couldnt take compliments before. So often i feel like i shouldnt be capable to have all this fun or to enjoy myself.. or even deserve such good things.. but God has taught me that I should receive all His blessings and gifts so that I can fully give out as well. I should not be ashamed or guilty to be happy or joyful. In the past ive been disappointed a lot because i would feel so scared that any good thing will one day be lost, so fear of being happy will be overcome by the temporal nature of it. But that's not how we should live. God loves to bless His children and we should be open to embrace them, cos perfect love casts out all fear.

TILL FREEDOM

2005-05-16T16:36:00.000+08:00

I HAVE ONE MORE EXAM tmr afternoon.. then by the grace of God i will PASS (hehe) and then i will be free as a butterfly. I am so excited. But must study today.. :)

It's been an eventful week.. so much has happened.. but one small thing that i've been reminded about is that faith works. Sometimes, i tend to forget how far a simple prayer can go. I remember reading somewhere that if you promise someone that you would pray for them, you shouldnt forget because it's a promise u made, and they are depending on you for that support. On friday, i bumped into one of my friends as we were heading up for our exam. She was cringing in pain, probably due to stress or food poisoning (not sure what), but the last words i told her before we parted was 'i'll pray for you'. So before my exams, i prayed for her healing so that she could do well in the exams. I didnt see her after, but i somehow stumbled upon her blog today that she thanked ME for praying for her cos she was healed. Im so glad a little prayer helps because our God is a healing God.

A week ago, i had a very very disturbing dream. When i woke up, I asked God to reveal to me why i had that dream. What did it mean? It was so disturbing and so out of my usual dreams.. and i didnt understand what it all meant. But yesterday i prayed for someone, and through that dream, i was able to have the compassion to pray for her. I felt like i could understand her fear, her suffering... and i think i want to help women who are going through injustice, who are being crushed in their spirits due to the sins of other people. May God give me a heart that is so willing to love others and help them overcome their fear and brokenness.

On a lighter note.. it was my 3 year 10 months anniversary with daryl yesterday. i miss him.

Super stress

2005-04-27T10:39:00.000+08:00

I couldnt sleep last night because of several reasons:

1) Had to make a decision and call back my friend in the morning so was thinking all night abt it
2) Did not resolve an argument before the night settled (although i tried every effort to sort it out, but the other party was not responsive)
3) STRRRESSSSed out with a whole bunch of decisions to make while stressing about my exams... i HAVE to pass to get into fourth year!

This is terrible. My heart is pounding at a rate of 200bpm probably because of the adrenaline and catecholamines all being released due to my agonising state of stressfulness and i am getting stressed because i realised i am stressing.

There goes my rant. I'll stop now. Ahhh i need help. GOD!!!!!

"... He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.'"

Longings

2005-04-25T19:23:00.000+08:00

Well.. thank God it's monday! hahaha. This morning i had to teach a bunch of juniors how to do clinical skills for their upcoming exams. It was fun... and the idea was to reach out to them because all of us who offered this extra help were all christians. We do it every year, and this year it was even more fun. And i also realised that i can put on this 'professor' attitude towards the students and it's quite funny. On the other hand, I think i can be a little haughty sometimes, so that is definetly no good at all. Must pray abt that.

What else, what else. yeah i'm really excited about this summer. Only 2 more weeks of madness hardwork and then i'll be free to do all the stuff i've wanted to do without feeling guilty! such as... SHOE shopping.. swimming.. practice my bball skills which have been completely ignored for the longest time... pick up my darling flute again (i hope it's not gone rusty?!!).. plan for holiday.. beach&tan.. watch movies.. bum.. sleep.. go hiking.. try out all my new mrs. field's recipe cakes (yum!).. wait for daryl to come back.. and hang out with everyone without looking at the time..

*happy sigh*
God brings us through times and seasons of discipline so that we can be trained to do His work, and understand what it means to 'reap what you sow'. God, your ways are truly amazing. Thank you for giving us things that we do not deserve. Thank you for loving me so much.

Sweet nothings

2005-04-21T13:29:00.000+08:00

Woaah i'm having my exam in 2 hours and my next clinical one in less than 24 hours time! Time really does fly, and i'm done with all the teachings by tomorrow. But God is good because i've been working like a mad woman and His grace is what keeps me alive each day.

Two days ago, I saw a patient who had cancer of the throat. My heart broke when i saw him trying to eat a tiny bowl of congee. He was in so much pain in swallowing that watery liquid that he eventually gave up and slept. I asked him how he was. He said he longed so much to eat a BIG CHICKEN leg and that he was starving his guts out but couldn't eat .. even drink, without enduring so much pain with each swallow. I didn't know how to help him. All I could do was pray for him.

When i got home that night, i savoured every single bite of my yummy dinner. I shall eat food with such a passion and praise God for letting me have the joy of eating. I really do love food.

New scribblings

2005-04-19T10:33:00.000+08:00

Ooh! new blog, new pages to start writing on! My old blog was much too old that i just decided to start a new one. Too many people read my last blog that i just didn't know what to write anymore. My spiritual battles? My crazy little observations? Things that happen in a day? Perhaps a change to more pressing issues on my mind lately, and writing things that will be interesting or somehow benefit others. Or would that be too serious? hahaha. oh wellingtons.

Anyways. Change of mood a lil...
Just talking to my mom about the reality of the end of days coming... when it creeps up on you while u are being 'merry' and feasting... just really put everything in my life back into perspective that we as Christians should have a bigger drive to fulfil the purpose that we have on this earth... there will be times when we will be persecuted.. when we cannot preach.. when we cannot speak the truth without being tortured, silenced, or thrown into jail. Although this utterly scares me, I know that the end days ARE nearing, so all the more should I be prepared to be well equipped in the word of God. ALL THE MORE TO SPEAK THE TRUTH WHILE WE CAN.
But God is good. We should live in that fear of Him, and not to be gripped by the fear of this generation and the soon to come degradation of our society.

This makes me think of the eternal significance of a lot of the things i do each day. There are so many petty things in this world, in our lives, that are just so meaningless compared to life and death. Oh Lord, give us the discernment to know how to live our lives!